and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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