And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
