If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
