If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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