for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
