okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
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I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
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She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.