Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.