i just had sex bonerless
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
