she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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