I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
