There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
