if you like me you must not know who I am
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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