im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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