Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Alive.
So much puke
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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