New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
