worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
