it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
