Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
