There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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