dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
