My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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