I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
How external is "for external use only"?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
