She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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