when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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