Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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