I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
