my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
