The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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