i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
