when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
