I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
