We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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