she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
