i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
