my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
