If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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