Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
