She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
