They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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