alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
