the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
