So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
