need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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