Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
