can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need to calm my uterus...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
