Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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