and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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