I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
