Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
