Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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