I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
3 2 1 whiskey
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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