Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
