I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
