I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
