Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize