It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
