So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
