My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
