I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
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we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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