If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
