i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
They have beer where we have blood.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
