the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
