an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
