you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
