Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
