I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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