You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
