Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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