my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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