You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize