I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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