The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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