that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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