Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
