Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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