I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
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I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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