respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
