Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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