Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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