You really coming over, don't trick.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
