I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
