I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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