Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
